For all those who don't know, in your senior year of high school, and maybe even junior year, you can take classes called "AP," or Advanced Placement. These classes are for sick overachievers who derive some sort of pleasure from endless essay writing and also for brilliant underachievers who derive some sort of pleasure from torturing themselves endlessly. Endless is a common theme here. In fact, write a 500 word essay about the themes of endlessness and eternity, and find circle imagery in this blog entry. CAN YA DO IT?
That's the type of things you do in an AP course. Well... the english one... anyways. Then, in the first week of May, you take an exam which tests the following:
- Aptitude in pointless facts from that particular subject
- Aptitude in writing a coherent essay about pointless facts from that particular subject
- Aptitude in the following arts: Filling in elliptical ovals and sticking labels onto paper
- Aptitude in lying your ass off (U.S. Government and Politics exam only)
- Aptitude in listening comprehension
- Endurance in your hand
- And, finally, bladder control. Going to the bathroom means YOU JUST CHEATED!
Well. That's fun. But now here are (some of!) the rules:
- You cannot sit yourself!
- If you choose your own seats, you could be CHEATING!
- No talking at all. Don't even breathe.
- If you talk, you're obviously CHEATING! Although that's not that absurd.
- IRREGULARITY!
- If anything - and we do mean anything - happens that might be CHEATING! the proctor (AKA bored teacher reading novel(s)/correcting tests) must report it as an irregularity. Did you just tap your pencil five times on your chin? CHEATING! Did you just look around the room? CHEATING! Did you cough? CHEATING! All those are reported as "Irregularities" and your test gets thoroughly examined*.
- No bathroom! No food! No water! No nothing we don't give you!
- Well... you could.. write.. answers.. on the.. food.. or.. something?
*Not that the NSA doesn't already know if you cheated or not, they just don't tell the College Board.
The saddest part about this? They wouldn't have to have all these rules if they haven't happened before.
Wow.
- Tim